(Stage is bare, Rob enters. He speaks to the invisible partygoers.)
Rob: Is everyone having a smashing time? Superb!
(There is a commotion offstage, and Peggy enters, holding a leash whose end is still offstage.)
Peggy: Hi, everyone, I made it.
Rob: Peggy, what on earth are you doing here?
Peggy: I knew you d be surprised, seeing as how you forgot to invite me.
Rob: Yes, well, normally I don t invite my exes to my soirees, but for you I was willing not to make an exception.
Peggy: Surprised to see me?
Rob: Not terribly, no. You were never one to play the tact card.
(She is violently jerked back by the leash. She apologizes to an invisible party guest she bumped into.)
Peggy: Excuse me, sorry.
Rob: What on earth is that? Did you bring a dog?
Peggy: No!
(Lover enters, talking to an invisible person.)
Lover: Seven times, I swear to it. The third time with a magic marker.
Rob: Who is that?
Peggy: He s my new lover.
Rob: Has he had his shots?
Peggy: You re just jealous.
Lover: Hello, darling. You know, I dabble a bit in Morse code. Do you? Because my heart s beating the dirtiest things right now.
Rob: Where did you dig him up?
Peggy: I found him in the dumpster by the singles bar. He looked so cold and hungry that my heart just went out to him.
Rob: And I suppose he ate it right up.
Lover: But seriously, though, I do speak the Universal Language NYURF! NYURF! NYURF! NYURF! NYURF!
Peggy: He may be stray, but he s as loyal as a store-bought.
Rob: How old is he in lover years?
Peggy: Twenty-nine. He s at his prime.
Lover: I couldn t help admiring you admiring me from afar. Perhaps you recognize me. I m the acclaimed author of 101 Dinosaur Jokes.
Rob: He seems to be working his magic on the guests.
Peggy: He s very friendly. We re in love, you know.
Lover: I m telling you, you re imaginary. Look, I can pass my hand right through you. Sorry, here s your wallet.
Rob: In love? With a stray lover?
Peggy: Rob, are you jealous of him? Because he loves me?
Rob: I really find that hard to believe.
Lover: Hey, Susan! Heard you were a lesbian! Way to go!
(Peggy whistles. Lover stiffens.)
Peggy: Heel! Toe! Heel! Toe! Heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe.
(Lover walks heel to toe to Peggy.)
Rob: He s very well-trained for a stray.
(Lover takes Rob s hand and kisses it.)
Lover: I do not believe I have had the pleasure.
Rob: Robert.
Lover: Robert? Where have I heard that name before?
Peggy: He s my ex-boyfriend.
Lover: The opposition! Unhand you, me!
Rob: Sorry to mislead you.
Lover: It s my fault. I just hate to give a false impression.
Rob: Oh, you do impressions?
Lover: Do I! (To Peggy.) Do I?
Peggy: No.
Lover: No.
Rob: Pity. I thought all lovers were good at tricks.
Peggy: Oh, tricks! He can do tricks, sure! Show him your number trick, honey. This is really a kill!
Lover:
"Chixx, Part Two: Dead People Got No Reason to Live"
IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED,
TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS
PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"Chixx, Part Two: Dead People Got No Reason to Live" debuted April 7, 2000.
Cast: Rob- Mark Hansen, Peggy- Aprille Clarke, Lover- Mike Cassady.
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