S’ghetti meets Balls
By: Aaron and Neil
TYBALT
Foul servant, what doeth thee? (nudges meatball)
MERCUTIO
I want thy fortitude, evil master. (nudges meatball, begins eating)
TYBALT
I wish to enquire, why your highness wears your testicles around your neck. (begins eating)
MERCUTIO
(through mouthful of food) One cannot Gestapo without first gestating.
TYBALT
(mouthful also, letting food fall out) Truer words hath a Mormon ne’er spoken.
MERCUTIO
(spitting food disgustingly) More words hath a Truman ne’er spoken
("Lady and the Tramp" spaghetti noodle bit, leading to gratuitous making out)
TYBALT
Me dust for suit of sustenance of grandeur. (he hands plate to MERCUTIO, takes his shirt off, and lays on his back on the table)
MERCUTIO
Well, suck me sideways that am a giraffe of a different color. (he places pasta on his stomach and begins eating it)
TYBALT
(he starts humping MERCUTIO’s chest) I do say, father, what a horrendous experience do we gone undergo this evening here.
MERCUTIO
Not for all the Rhine in Abydos. (MERCUTIO fills his mouth with spaghetti, takes a step back, rips his shirt apart, climbs on top of TYBALT, and gives him an open-mouth kiss, transferring the spaghetti into TYBALT’s mouth.)
TYBALT
Why not, my angeldove? (They grind against each other, smearing the spaghetti everywhere.)
MERCUTIO
Why dust though keep referring to the primavera consumed fore a fortnight? (he begins choking)
TYBALT
Dust me know what thus has transfixiated? (he performs anal ramming heimlich maneuver)
MERCUTIO
Why shouldn’t thou?
TYBALT
Away!
MERCUTIO exits. TYBALT resumes eating. MERCUTIO re-enters, running. He dives over the table.
MERCUTIO
Forsooth of sabbatical saviors, bring me a ghost dad!
Blackout.
"S’ghetti meets Balls" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"S’ghetti meets Balls" debuted October 13, 2000.Original Cast:
Tybalt-Neil Campbell
Mercutio-Aaron Galbraith
Performed at Best of No Shame on December 8, 2000.
Library]
