Is that an earthquake in my balls or am I just happy to see you?
By: Aaron Galbraith
LIGHTS UP
Neil is tying his shoe stage right the entire time, but can’t figure out how, does various things, takes it off, tries again, but all without taking too much attention away from Mark and Aaron.
They walk across stage and accidentally bump into one another
AARON
Oh excuse me.
MARK
It’s ok…my fault, I’m sorry.
AARON
Hey, I wasn’t looking where I was going, I am the one that should be sorry.
MARK
Look man, you may not have been looking where you were going but it was still my fault. I apologize!
AARON
(All of a sudden furious) Where the fuck do you get off? Look, don’t fucking patronize me! I made a mistake all right. You don’t think I can sense your sarcasm? Well I read you, loud and clear, BUDDY!! (He pokes him in the chest)
MARK
Look, man, I’m not trying to get into a thing with you, I'm just saying I’m genuinely sorry for bumping into you just now. It was my fault.
AARON
Oooohh… so that’s it. You just want all the glory of apologizing to yourself! Is that it, you condescending piece of shit? (Mocking) "Let’s pity the poor bastard that can’t walk straight, we’ll try to make him feel better by taking the blame." You, sir, disgust me.
MARK
Hey, fella, just take it easy. (With this, he accidentally knocks Aaron’s script out of his hands)
AARON
Hey what’s the big fucking idea here, you knock my script out of my hands? What the fuck?
MARK
Look, dude, I’m sorry.
AARON
There you go fucking apologizing again, you smug, contemptuous, asshole! Who the fuck do you think you are?
MARK
Hey, just take it easy, settle down.
AARON
Take it easy?!?! Why? So I’ll let my guard down and you can anally rape me? Well, it ain’t gonna happen today motherfucker!!!
MARK
(Stunned, and walking away with hands up in the air, stage left) Whoooaaa!!
AARON
Yeah, that’s right, you fuckin walk away you sick fuck!! Go find someone else to play your sick fucking mind games with!! (Walks left towards Neil, stumbles over him and falls to the ground) Hey what the fuck’s your problem?
NEIL
Hey, I'm sorry, I was just tying my shoe…I…uh…
AARON
Oh everybody’s sorry today! Let’s just cut to the chase, I know what you want from me. (At this point, Neil jumps up and straddles Aaron’s waist. They begin thrusting back and forth for a few moments, perhaps against the wall)
LIGHTS DOWN
"Is that an earthquake in my balls or am I just happy to see you?" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
"Is that an earthquake in my balls or am I just happy to see you?" debuted October 22, 1999, performed by Aaron Galbraith, Mark Hansen, and Neil Campbell.
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