[Lights down. Lights up.]

It is 6:15, P, M. It is 6:15 P, M and I have just ordered coffee in Mel's Diner. Mel's Diner is my place. Technically, Mel's Diner is not so much my place as it is Mel's Place, but Mel let's me come here because I pay him money in exchange for food. Mel is a reasonable man that way. Mel hires only waitresses named Flo, because that's the way things are in Mel's Diner. Things weren't like that back when this was Denny's, but when Mel bought Denny's and made it Mel's Diner he fired all the waitresses who weren't named Flo. That's how he made it Mel's place. That's also how he got Mel's Federal Employment Act citation. Even so, it is still 6:15 P, M, and I have still ordered coffee in Mel's Diner.

When I sit in Mel's Diner I have my arms up on the back of the booth. I sit that way because my father is Presbyterian. He drives a minivan. His name is Steve. My foot hurts. [Put arms up, booth style.] Post hoc, ergo propter hoc. When I sit in Mel's Diner with my arms up, I think things. Big things. Important things. Plans, for the future. When I have a monkey, he will sit with me in the diner. I will name him Crackers. I will not name him Steve, because then he and my father might get confused. When Crackers sits with me, I will let him put his arms up for his own, personal, reasons. I will let him drink coffee, but only if he can handle it. We will be cool. Chicks dig monkeys.

It is 6:17 P. M. The waitress has come with my coffee. I look at her nametag. Her name is Flo. I am not surprised. Flo says to me, "Would you like anything else?" I look at her for a long, long time. I say, "No." I am lying.

I say to her, very slowly, "Maybe some ... eggs?" [Repetitively alter statement to "Baby scum legs?"] Flo and I have a moment. I say, "Perhaps a movie?" [Repetitively alter statement to "Bear chaps say groovy?"] The moment is gone.

Flo goes back to the kitchen. She has left my life. She has left my coffee. It is too hot to drink.

[Bassline slowly finishes. When it stops, Lights down.]

"Angry Mouth in Mel's Diner" debuted October 2, 1998, performed by Dan Brooks with Peter Franke doing backup on bass.

Performed again at the Best of No Shame on December 11, 1998.

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