No Shame Theatre Archives (2004-2005)

KEY:

Author or (No Shamer) - Title
     (Performers, if known)
     [Description, if any]

1. Numbered entries indicate the piece's position in the order.
   

• Bulleted entries - the exact order is unknown.
  

So...like we've done in previous years, No Shame is going to be a featured performance at the Week of Welcome event on Friday, August 27. It will be held in Hubbard Park, that grass square next to the IMU, and our time slot is at 9:30-10:00 p.m. (note: not 11 like we're used to).

Your piece doesn't have to be brand new or anything; feel free to reuse an old favorite. Also, since we are out in public where innocent people might be walking by, try to keep your dick in your pants. I'm looking at you from all the way across the country, Rust! Please keep it PG-13 in terms of swearing and stuff.

But otherwise, the same rules apply. Order will be taken around 9; look for a board member (Alyssa, Aprille, Arlen, Jamal, Michael Tabor) for further instruction. We only have half an hour, people, so keep it short and snappy.

I hope to see you there. It'll be a good warm-up for our real season, which starts the following Friday.

1. Tim Is S/Mad. Tad, S/Mim; Tad! by Tim Sitzmann
2. Happy Fun Time Puppets or Chris LaVoie Got Married by Cool Jesse & Chris LaVoie
3. Liquid Nitrogen Robot by Whitney Ringen
4. Another Case Solved and Another Man Behind Bars, Figuratively by ?
5. Workaday #1: Ham Sandwich! by Adam Hahn
5.5 Logomachy Means Word Battle, Remember That Now, Logomachy Means Word Battle by Hayden Taylor
6. A Contextualization of Actual Questions From a Sex-Ed Website by Aprille Clarke
7. The Stupid Quint by Arlen Lawson
8. Happy vs. Sad by Jamal River & The Iowa Entertainer
9. White Cat has a new friend by Math Teacher
9.5 Michael & Cassie by Cassie Gonzales
10. Crazy Hobo President, Vol. II by Michael Tabor
11. American Dream: The 'Arlen Time' Prelude by Alyssa Bowman
12. When You're Down and Troubled and You Need a Helping Hand by Patrick Ashcraft
13. The Happy Bean Cycle by Mirri
14. Brit Brothers by Casey Hart & Michael Goldberg

1. When Life Gives You Lemons by Brad Hansen
2. White Cat's White Cats by Math Teacher
2.5. Gato Means Cat in Spanish and Cake in French, remember that Gato Means Cat in Spanish and Cake in French by Maggie Rice
3. No Shame Angels by Cool Jesse and the Flat Boat Paddlers
4. Evil Sock Puppets and their Terrorist Allies by Mirri
5. The Vigo Club by Hayden Taylor with Linsay Deming, Shari Kimble, Maggie Rice and Ashley McCarthy
6. Bleach That, Sister! by Lindsay Deminy & Maggie Rice
7. Workaday #2: Not an Easy Thing by Adam Hahn
8. A Contextualization of Actual Questions from a Sex-Ed Website Part II by Aprille Clarke
9. Video Games Never Lie by Eli Wilkinson
9.5. Mean ol' Mozart by Tim Sitzmann
10. I Like Touchdowns by Silver Dollar Tabor
11. The Petal Eater by Arlen Lawson
12. Arlen Time: Let's Get Arlening! by Jamal River
13. Wake Up San Francisco by Sheri Kimble & Lindsay Deminy
13.5. The Single Greatest Man and How I stole His Money by Stevo
14. One Minute of Self-Indulgence by Katy Baggs
15. Bully Gets a Hug by Patrick Ashcraft

1. Oxymoronic by Dick Roberts
2. Eli's Random Rambling by that kid named after a Three Dog Night Song (aka Eli)
3. The Greatest Love of All or Have You Seen the Ghost of John? by Cool Jesse, Two White Niggers, and a German Scientist
4. A Contextualization of Actual Questions from a Sex Ed Website, Part III by Aprille Clarke
5. You Don't Need to Part the Sea When You Can Walk on Water by Silver Dollar Tabor
6. Preludes 1 & 2 by Matt Wiegand
7. Ricky, the L-I-Appostrophe-L Bastard by Brad Hansen
8. Dying Words a song by Arlen Lawson
9. Debutante Speculum by Sadie Smith
10. Arlen Time: Love Cadets: A Song by Woodblock Arlen Lawson AKA 'Skin Man' Coolie by Jamal River
11. Ping Pong Odalisque by Anne Sullivan
12. In Cold Blood by Mirri
13. Neil, the Mexican, Spends his First Day in America! by Patrick Ashcraft
14. Falafels & Jesus by Kelly and Sally

1. The Great Pumpking Will Come Tonight by Math Teacher
2. Workaday #3: Revenge by Adam Hahn
3. The Flower From Hell by Arlen Lawson
4. Mom Eats Babies? by Patrick Ashcraft
4.5. Necro...feel...ya by Matt Ellsworth
5. Jesus Wants to Hang Another Night by Dick Roberts
6. The Henderson Report by Michael Tabor
7. Why Does Everyone Hate Jimmy Carter? It Is As If He Were a Leper or Something. by Tim Sitzmann
8. 2 Songs by Matt Wiegang
8.5 May God Have Mercy on Your Angel-Eating Soul by Mirri
9. The Bar Dream by Michael Goldberg
10. A Terrible Penis Joke, Repetitively. Or: Patrick, Your Genius is Showing by The Coolest Jesse
11. Arlen Time: Arlen Makes Amends by Jamal River & Alyssa Bowman
12. But in the Summer It's Beautiful by Hayden Taylor
13. Goodbye/Hello by Brad Hansen
14. The Real Third World by Tim Sitzmann & Matt Ellsworth
15. Cassie Like Dogs by Cassie the Dogliker

1) Lawrence Welk's Revenge by Nathan Collins
2) Insolence in the Eyes of Others by Harry P.
2.5) Four Jokes in Quick Succession by Katy Baggs
3) Four Random Parts to the Whole Monkey by Tracey Allen
4) Abu Grhaib: The Musical by Dick Roberts
4.5) Tidbits by Patrick Ashcraft & Ariana Gum
5) Monstrosity by Mirri
6) The Real Arlen Lawson by Arlen Lawson
7) Arlen Time: Hey Stupid! I've Got Fresh Love For You! by Alyssa Bowman & Jamal River
8) How Strange it is to be Anything At All by Cool Jesse McAwesome, the New King of Pop
8.5) How The World Really Works by Fatty & Otis
9) Cornered - a tale of Iowa City by Brad Hansen
*) Cassie Drinks Her First Beer by Michael Tabor
9.5) Crawdad Poem by Sadie Smith, Grade 13
10) Workaday #4: The First Chapter of My Novel by Adam Hahn
10.5) Bruce Wayne's Mistakes: Volume 3 by Rock 'n' Roll Norris

1. The Man Who Thought He Was God by Arlen Lawson
1.5 Round Town: A Song by Arlen Lawson by Jamal River
2. Barbershop 3 by Tim Sitzmann and Ice Cube
3. Workaday #5: Fart Machine by Adam Hahn
4. Broadway Salutes Bush's Intellectually Complex Approach to Foreign Policy by Dick Roberts
5. Can You Sink of Thumbthing Batter? by I love Cheburashka (aka Mirri) and Pingu is god (aka Natasha)
6. Fucking Vote by Guilty by Association
7. The Internet and the Anti-Web by Brian Lenth
8. Spit Tune by Silver Dollar Tabor
9. I Cut You by Les Fleurs d'Hiver
10. Bomb Threats Are Silly! by Patrick Ashcraft
11. Vaguely Anthropomorphic Rhonda by Aprille Clarke
12. Revenge of the Nerds, Part Eleventy-Nine: Pudge Has a Hard-On by Cool Jesse, not really, this is all made up. In fact it is not even happening.
13. There Is Nothing Worse than a 15-Year-Old, Moody Girl with PMS by Eli Wilkinson
14. A Simple Folk Song by Christy Brown-Kwaiser

1. Confession by Brad Hansen (Brad confesses that he is a Nascar fan, which leads to tender understanding with his father)
2. Reefer Madness: The "Sweet Pill" that Makes Life Better by Jonathan Shelton (A man is pressured into a lifestyle of debauchery at his bachelor party)
3. Babies by Brian Lenth (Where do babies come from? Neither father nor son is quite sure)
4. Unsportsmanlike Conduct by Dick Roberts (a send-up of recent transgressions by athletic coaches)
4.5 Fucked Up History 1: The Election of 1912 by Eli Wilkinson (Teddy Roosevelt resorts to violence to beat Woodrow Wilson; editorial comment: will the League of Nations ever be formed?)
5. An Epistemo-log-ical Comedy Routine by Tim Sitzmann (Bigots selectively use the Bible to justify their opinions, in comedy form)
6. Vampire Butterfly by Mirri (from 3 different perspectives, a story is told about pain and self image through the metaphor of butterflies)
7. I Like it When You Hate Me by Cool Jesse (Hayden, who did not finish his piece, gets introduced around by Cool Jesse)
8. And it Happened One Time...and it HAPPENED AGAIN! How, and Why? by Sadie Martha Smith (Malyssa is a terrible guardian of crayons for Sadie, which could lead to trouble with Michael Tabor, the crayons' true owner)
9. There Is a Real Ghost in this Bottle by Aprille Clarke (A bottle contains the ghost of a woman with the strongest labia in the world)
10. Freedom, Bitches by Linsayl, Shari, Ashley, and Maggie (various political perspectives on the Boating issue, also tandem bicycles)
11. In Your Eyes, the Light, the Heat by Patrack Ashcraft and the Peppy Happy Crusaders (silent, masked (?) Hector takes on a cruel love bet, but wins out in the end)
12. Real Life Party Scene by Rock and Roll Norris (Rock and Roll Norris enjoys cheese popcorn)
13. Everyone Likes Mr. Hibbs by Cassie Gonzales the Band (Musical performance about a man named Mr. Hibbs, whom everyone likes because he'd punch you if you di'n't)

.5 Eine Kleine Nachtmusik by Mozart (Two people have on weird costumes and music plays as they lurch around)
1. The Gondola of Death by Mirri (Mirri dies. A Divine Being gives her a second chance. Mirri just wants to die.)
2. An Almost True Account of a Thing That Really Did Happen Once by Cool Jesse, The New King of Pop (Jesse's brother is on the phone with a girl. Jesse keeps bugging his brother. The girl is sad.)
3. Possibly Apple Juice by Michael Tabor (Michael tells of his job at the apple orchard and his clash with his lady boss.)
3.5 Doin' Time by Lindsay Deming (People are in jail. They explain why. All the reasons are related to the board game Monopoly.)
4. My Oblivion by Patrick Ashcraft is SAD (Patrick is Sad. He feels betrayed by a friend because of STDs and his oblivion.)
5. Frowny Bird, Scruffy Bird, EconoKeet Cage by Spats (Spats and her friend talk about birds and their magnets in the head.)
6. Shelton's Great Idea: #1 by Shelton, of course! (Shelton gets an idea to make a musical based off of Elton John songs.)
7. If Kids Say The Darndest Things, Then High Schoolers are Idiots Transcribed by: Eli Wilkison and Elias Coblentz (People say things that were said in a highschool. These things are weird.)
7.5 Why I Was Fired from Hy-Vee by Tim Sitzmann (Tim goofs off at work and gets fired for making a suit out of plastic bags.)
8. I Bought It On Ebay by Aprille Clarke (Aprille buys something from the internet. Is it flue mucous? Or a flu vaccine? She's not sure (The Ebay description was not too clear), but she is willing to inject it into your body.)
9. First Draft, Final Draft by Hayden Taylor (A misunderstood teenage poetry genius writes a scathing and poetic suicide note. Then kills himself.)
10. Dickens And Thackery In An Ice Age by Jo(h)n (Dickens And Thackery are street fighters. In the ice age. They ride across the tundra on their bicycles.)

1. Herky-Jerky: A Modern Bedtime Tale by The Mascot Book Company (A bed-time story about Gay Herky)
2. The Legend of Nutts-Kicker by Brad Hansen (A masked avenger, scorned by her hobo lover, kicks men in the nuts all the dang time)
2.5 Little Dante Goes to Hell by Mirri (Mirri write a piece about how Little Dante Goes to hell. This concerns Little Dante)
3. It's Not About Whether You Win Or Lose, It's About How You Play The Game; But Secretly It's About Whether You Win Or Lose: An Electoral Allegory by Brian Lenth (A piece with a very long title about a retirement home in which its occupants fight over which candidate to endorse with a sign in the lawn)
4. Workaday #6: My Contribution to Medicine by Adam Hahn (A piece about how Adam finds an ultimatum/suicide note in his hotel room and meets the mother of his children)
5. Texas Oil Billionaire Piece by Michael Tabor (A Texas Oil Billionaire's Oil Fields start pumping 'spook juice' instead of oil)
5.5 Not Just Cats by Aprille Clarke (Aprille's sister says that if you leave a baby in the middle of some field, the baby will find its way home)
6. Had A Wife But Couldn't Keep Her by Sadie Martha "Spats" Smith (The stage lit only by a jack-o-lantern, Spats reads a poem about jack-o-lanterns)
7. Four Things by The King Of Modesty (The KOM tells us of things her loves. Madonna, your mother, racism, and sexism are all things included)
7.5 Fucked Up History II: The War of Roses by Eli Wilkinson (Richard III admits that he's not sure that he killed his nephews because of something his nephews did, or because of something some mice did and he thought his nephews did it)
8. I was so Glad, Part 1: Lost Along the Way by Jesse Blaine (Jesse tells of his childhood experiences in an institution)
9. Mundanely Gross Halloween by Aprille Clarke (Aprille grosses out trick-or-treaters)
10. Playground Election or Like Children by Mary Dickins (Elementary Schoolers debate over which child will make a better class president)
11. Bedside Manner by Evan Schenck (Fat mom dies from olive poisoning)
12. Williamsburg by Angry Lemon (musical performance)
13. Slightly Deranged, but Sane by Rollin Perry (Rollin hosts a meeting of the slightly deranged, but sane. He offers tips on keeping your sanity)
14. Talking by King Toad (musical performance)

1. The Greatest Act of Terror by Tim Sitzmann (3:45) (Students discuss the implications of recent terrorist activity launched against the Herkeys on Parade)
2. Next of Skin by Andy (2:35) (Guy performs a poem about someone else's ability to sleep despite all the horrors in the world)
3. The Bullshit Connection by Dick Roberts and Chris Roberts (0:45 set-up + 5:25) (Dick and Chris perform a parody of "The Rainbow Connection" featuring lyrics about the O.J. Simpson trial, J. Kerry's war record, and WMD)
4. Eli's Dark Little Secret by Eli Wilkinson (4:20) (Eli is a much-maligned and spat-upon Boy Scout)
5. In the Aftermath of democracy's Demise OR Beaded American Flag Purse by Sarah Neilson (2:40) (Sarah describes the experience of watching election results among like-minded bar patrons)
6. Via Satellite by Linsay and Maggie (0:30 set-up + 6:20) (News correspondants communicate the ravages of the Daylight Savings/Central Standard time shift; they sing a song in closing)
7. A Subtle Allegory About Butts by Aprille Clarke (when I timed it at home it was 5:00) (Aprille enlists Japanese beetles to eat her butt)
8. Razor Blades and Diet Aids by Danny Wolf (3:00) (Song with vocals, acoustic guitar, and harmonica)
9. Who Likes Chicken? by Mirri (0:30 set-up + 4:45) (Mirri is an unpopular master trickster, though her virginity is not contagious)
10. So Tight (Imagine This Was Performed LAST Week) by Tim Sitzmann (1:15) (Tim and Sadie discuss how tight it is from behind the curtain)
11. The Clam Chowder Joke Went a Little Too Far by Patrick Ashcraft (0:45 set-up + 6:30) (Dominic is a gay teen in denial. He loves vagina so much, but nobody believes him.)
12. Otter, Otter, Book, Otter (aka Otterbiography) by William Callahan (0:30 set-up + 5:30) (William recounts the events of his life, including a snowy birth, a failed birthday party, vomit, and nightmares)
13. Flight of the BumbleBee by Rimsky-Korsaker (0:20) (Michele and Brianne wear black clothes and white masks; they approach each other)
14. Including You by Cassie Gonzales the Band (0:30 set-up + 3:20) (Everyone on the bus is a freak, including you)
15. Abattoir by John Lee (1:20) (A song about a girl he doesn't like and a slaughterhouse)

1. Workaday #7: Counting Syllables by Adam Hahn (reading of hauikus found in a decorative turkey. He is not Amish, he is Mister Hahn!)
2. I'm Maggie Rice by Michael Tabor (Maggie Rice, a student of the word, a gossip, and a "lady scientist," tells of her adventures in these three areas)
3. Dedicated to Jesse Blaine by Stevo Ptacek (Lights are out. People are stomping. Stevo is yelling from the catwalk. Musical performance.)
4. Fun with Fruit, Vol. 1 by Rock 'n' Roll Norris (People talk on banana phones. An orange phone is not well received.)
5. Civil War II by Brad Hansen (That darned election causes the south to rise again.)
6. El Dia De Los Murtos by Toby (Toby goes to the store, eats a "thing", probably a food, wins a free one but still has to pay for the original)
6.5 Object #One by Sean Shatto (Sean tastes a big leaf, tears it, apologizes.)
7. I Am Feeling Very Light-Headed Tonight by Sadie Martha Smith (Spats can't study because of so many babies. She might steal a baby and put it in her mouth because of how cute they are. Sean Shattoman does not feel Spats is ready for a baby.)
8. Squishy Oh Damn by Hayden Taylor (Hayden tries to fit in with different people that make their own set of musical conversation. Musical performance/comedy skit.)
8.5 Sunday Afternon by Mirri (They are bored. What are they to do with only a coat-hanger? Boredom leads to coat hanger abortion)
9. My Piece Of Lemon-Merringue Was A Terrible Dissapointment by John Leigh (The wily oscelet and the nimble marmoset had lunch with John! Do not try the flan but perhaps the pie.)
10. Battling Bush by Alyssa Bowman (Alyssa punches a W. punching bag. The bag does not get up, as the box indicates it will.)
11. Threesome Michael Tabor by Jason Nebergall (Tabor did NOT have a threesome. Wait, yes he did.)
11.5 FBI Headquarters by Will Kapp (Will is confusing the headquarters with other places)
12. Stupid Fucking Bush by Jamal River (Jamal's anti-Bush stand up jokes are followed by Tabor's Dubya impression who is subsequently beaten by Jamal who confuses Michael for George W. when Michael does an impersonation)
13. I'll Show You A Ghoul ...In my Pants! by Patrick Ashcraft's Evil Twin (Spats is seduced by scary mask Hector.)
13.5 Little Girl by William Callahan (William and Jamal recite a short chant/song, alternating lines, about a little girl with curls)
14. The NVP Dilemma by Tim Christians (Yes, Tim is already registered to vote. Why else would he be wearing a John Kerry pin? [Potential voters hide behind a dumpster but the New Voter's Project robot searches and destroys.])
15. We Don't Need Your Charity by Cassie Gonzales The Band (Musical performance. Throw money in their case and they will throw it in back in your face! Got it?)

(Because it was announced the previous week, many performers took the opportunity to do a lip-sync song and dance for their piece)

1. Lip Syncing 100,000 From the 48th Copy of Your CD by Tomatoes and Radio Wire (Sean Shatto and Bobby Evers do a lip sync song and dance to King Toad's "When It's Dark")
2. The Cutesy and Cuddly Show! by Eli "Need a Girlfriend" Wilkinson (Eli and Jonathan Shelton are hosts of a children's show, but when the cameras stop rolling, they turn racist and violent)
3. Kiss by Prince by Michael Tabor (In his usual style, Michael does a lip-sync performance to Prince's "Kiss")
4. Alice and Alan's Big Breakthrough at Castle Creek by Andy Thayer (Andy performs a solo rhyming poem)
5. I Love Asian Food by Rock 'n Roll Norris (Mark "RnR" Norris performs a lip sync song and highly choreographed dance dance--somebody help me on the title and artist)
6. Superstition by Mirri with the assistance of the wonderous wonder Stevie Wonder (Mirri dances and does gymnastic moves to S. Wonder's "Superstition")
7. How Much Weight Can Theresa Heinz-Kerry? a tone poem by Dick Roberts (Dick makes rhyming puns about things he would and wouldn't do with mostly celebrities)
8. If We Light Ourselves on Fire, We Can Go Anywhere by Cool Jesse (C. Jesse performs a lip sync to a song from Sponge Bob Squarepants)
9. Katya the Invisible by Mirri (Mirri performs a monologue dealing with the terrorist bombing of a Russian school)
10. Imagine by Jonathan Shelton (Jonathan stands and lip syncs to John Lennon's "Imagine" while holding a lighter; when it grows too hot, he switches to a cell phone)
11. Zombie Antics by Rock 'n Roll Norris (really a .5; confused zombie must reset his course when he realizes that brains, not flowers, are his true desire)
12. Wemembuh by Aprille Clarke (Aprille performs a lip sync and dance to "Think of Me" from Phantom of the Opera, as performed by Chinese/New Zealander sensation, Wing)
13. Mr. Rogers in the Plentiful Dusk by Bobby and Sean (Bobby and Sean were saying the same thing and hugging)
14. Hairdresser on Fire by Morrissey by Jamal River (Jamal does a lip sync and gay dance to Morrissey's "Hairdresser on Fire")

I am so sorry to say I don't have the order and I don't know who does. At least I don't think I have it. It was on a yellow piece of paper. ---Aprille

I scribble notes to know when it's my turn: ---Adam

1. The monkey piece (with Shelton) by Eli Wilkinson
2.Charades- Brad Hansen
3. John Leigh's (Lee's?) pieces about the overconsidered howl
4. "An Eichmann Defense of Love" by Tim Sitzmann
5. Mirri's piece- hitting Shelton with a gnome
6. Jamal's song with guitar
7. Dick Roberts holiday medley
8. The Shelton thing with guys in skirts, described in my notes as "kindergarten"
9. "Mommy" by the King of Modesty
10. Erin's piece about the dying guy, listed in my notes as "First Time" (performed by Aprille Clarke)
11. "Fun with fruit, Volume II" by Rock 'n Roll Norris
12. "Workaday #8: Leftovers" by Adam Hahn
13. Cool Jesse's crossword puzzle and hotdogs, listed in my notes as "Afro"
14. Patrick Ashcraft's piece about infidelity, murder, and amnesia, listed in my notes as "Love" (or "lore"; I really need to learn how to work a pen)
(performed by Jamal, Aprille Clarke

Remember to bring 2 DOLLARS and your 5 best friends to the show on Friday.

1. Fun with Fruit, Vol. 1 by Rock 'n' Roll Norris
2. Workaday #5: Fart Machine by Adam Hahn
3. Another Case Solved and Another Man Behind Bars, Figuratively by ?
4. Preludes 1 & 2 by Matt Wiegand
4.5 Logomachy Means Word Battle, Remember That Now, Logomachy Means Word Battle by Hayden Taylor
5. And it Happened One Time...and it HAPPENED AGAIN! How, and Why? by Sadie Smith
6. Four Things by The King of Modesty
6.5 Eine Kleine Nachtmusik by Mozart
7. Bomb Threats Are Silly! by Patrick Ashcraft
8. El Dia do los Muertos by Toby
9. An Almost True Account of a Thing That Really Did Happen Once by Cool Jesse
10. Otter, Otter, Book, Otter by William Callahan
11. Jamal
12. Possibly Apple Juice by Michael Tabor
12.5 Four Jokes in Quick Succession by Katy Baggs
13. Barbershop 3 by Tim Sitzmann & Ice Cube
14. My Piece of Lemon-Merringue Was A Terrible Disappointment by John Leigh
15. There is a Real Ghost in this Bottle by Aprille Clarke